Just Give Me a Reason
by wencho17
Summary: "The world is so much darker without you in it." Together for the first time since the wedding, Puck and Quinn find the courage to say goodbye to Finn, leaning on one another in this impossible time. Title taken from song list for Glee's 100th. One shot.


**I haven't written a glee fic in a while because the inspiration hasn't been there. However after reading this absolutely wonderful piece of news about a Puck/Quinn duet to Pink and Nate Reuss' "Just Give Me a Reason" in the upcoming 100****th**** episode, this idea popped into my head so I decided to write it down. Enjoy!**

Quinn found herself alone, comforted by the dark of the night and the knowledge that his presence was there with her. There was something about that moment and this place that helped her find some sort of peace. She just hoped it would make saying goodbye to him a little easier, a little more bearable.

There was a reason why she never came home for the weekend of his funeral. It wasn't that she didn't want to be there, to grieve in the presence of her friends and his family, to share memories and moments, to help get through the pain together. That's all she wanted.

It took every last bit of courage she had just to buy the plane ticket. The flight was all set but at the last moment, bags in hand as the attendant called the boarding number, she bailed. She couldn't do it. She couldn't say goodbye.

Quinn commended Rachel for making the trip home that weekend. She knew how much strength and courage it must have taken for her to say goodbye to the man she loved and planned a future around. She knew because she felt the same way.

Not so long ago, Quinn was in the same place Rachel was. She loved Finn and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with him. She was even going to raise another man's baby with him.

Puck may have been her first but Finn was her first love, her everything.

And even after the hell and the lies she put him through, he forgave her. He didn't give up on her when so many of the others were willing to. He had faith in her and believed in her and pushed her to be the person she was capable of being. He loved her, flaws and all, and that was something she was not used to.

He was unlike anyone she had ever met and that's what made this, saying goodbye, so hard.

Quinn knew her grief wasn't any more founded than the others, especially Rachel, Kurt and his family, but that didn't stop her from feeling it. When she heard the news, it broke her heart. But in her mind as long as she didn't face it, she didn't have to believe it.

She couldn't sit vigil with the glee club in this denial. It was unfair to them and unfair to herself. But this push and pull of feelings was unlike anything she had ever experienced. She missed him to the point of near delusion and found herself wishing for just one last conversation, one last goofy smile, one last kiss.

It was selfish but she was selfish. She had to do this her way and on her own time.

It couldn't go on forever though and one night while still at school, she realized what she was doing was unhealthy. She was pushing down this pain she wanted to feel and this guilt for not being there when they all said goodbye. But she couldn't keep pretending and she knew it.

So after deleting nearly 15 "Are you okay" texts from her friends back in Lima, Quinn booked that flight and boarded that plane like she knew she should have months ago. She found the courage to come home, to see all of them, to share in moments and memories with all of them.

But when she got to the auditorium and saw all of them on stage and his jersey hanging in the rafters, it was too much. Everything came flooding back, the good and the bad, and she couldn't breathe. His face, his memory, it was everywhere and she had to get out. She had to go anywhere but that place and had to be anywhere away from those people.

After nearly half an hour of wandering, she found the place she needed to be.

Nestled a few feet away from the football field, a place that seeped with painful memories of its own was a small grove of trees. She walked over to them and rested her head against one as she traced her fingers in the letters of another.

This was their spot, their special place. Away from the pressures of the outside world, Quinn always found solace here and even more so when Finn was by her side. She would never forget the first time he showed her this special, wonderful place or all of the memories they shared.

She didn't feel trapped like she did in the auditorium though because this was just the two of them and it held just their memories. The others weren't around and there wasn't a pressure to grieve the way they wanted her to grieve or share condolences at the mutual loss. She would have broken down if it came to that.

No, this was perfect. This was just her, him and their private sanctuary. If there was a place she could do this it would be here. This is where she would finally say goodbye.

"Hi Finn," she whispered softly as she tried to fight back the tears. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you, when it happened. I hope you know it's not because I didn't care because I do, I care too much. I couldn't bring myself to face that fact that you were… gone. And honestly, I still don't know if I can. You were my first love and you died so young. There was so much more for you to offer the world and I can't wrap my head around why God would have taken you so soon. You never, you never got to be a dad and I know you would have made a great one. You and Rachel, you never got that happy ending and maybe that's my fault. I mean if I hadn't gotten into that accident you would have been married. You were young but had any of us known this was all the time you had, it would have been okay. You would have died as her wife and we both know that is where you belonged."

"Finn," Quinn continued softly as the tears now flowed freely. "You know I love you right? I owed you better and I'll never fully forgive myself for the pain I put you through even if you did forgive me. It takes one heck of a person to forgive that and you were one of a kind. You had so much compassion and a heart of gold. This never should have happened. You should be here right now, saying goodbye to the glee club with the rest of us. You and Rachel should get that happy ending."

Clutching the tree for support, Quinn sighed heavily as she continued to cry. She searched inside of her for the strength to continue, to do what she came here to do.

"But that's not going to happen because you're not here," she finally admitted to herself. "In my heart I know that but I just, I don't want to let you go. I don't want to envision a world that you aren't in because it's a dark place filled with so much sadness. You brightened the world for everyone. You made me a better person just because I knew you and you convinced me I didn't have to be that person I was our freshmen year. You brought out the best in me Finn Hudson and I don't know who is going to do that now that you're gone."

Quinn couldn't go any further. She was sobbing now, her hand resting on his initials carved in the tree next to her. This was all too much. She knew death was a part of life and as a Catholic believed that he was in a better place but that didn't make any of this easier.

Because beliefs and faith as much as they say they do, never really help ease the unbearable pain of losing a loved one. It wasn't something she could hide behind or call on in this time of need. It wasn't going to give her the strength to survive this, the strength she envied in her friends.

There was nothing that was going to take this burden of hurt away, nothing.

"That would have been one hell of a eulogy."

Quinn was stunned as she heard his voice. He had been in the auditorium with the others but how did he know about this place? Had he followed her here?

"Can you please go Puck?" she asked nicely, knowing this was something she needed to do alone.

"Not until you tell me why you're out here alone while all of us are together inside," he said, offering her his jacket. "You must be freezing."

"I'm fine," she said curtly, ignoring his gesture. "As for everyone else, I can't be in there right now."

"Why not?" he asked as he sat down next to her.

She rolled her eyes but he could see the tears anyway. Slowly, he put his arms around her and at his touch, as much as she fought it, she couldn't keep it together anymore. She broke down in his arms.

"It's too hard okay?" she choked out through tears. "That's why I missed the funeral, that's why I've fought coming home since it happened. It's too hard to say goodbye. I'm not as strong as Rachel or Kurt or any of you. I can't do it Puck, I just can't."

"Come here," he said, wrapping his arms around her tighter. Gently he soothed her by rubbing her back. "It's going to be okay," he whispered as tears of his own started to fall. "We'll get through this together."

"How?" she asked, the desperation in her voice and in her eyes shining through. "How can I go in there when I can't even accept that he's gone? How can I do that to them, to Rachel, to Kurt, to you?"

"We don't have to go in there," Puck said, a solution coming to mind. "You and I can stay here for now. We don't have to talk but we can if you want to. Whatever you want Quinn, I'm here for you."

"Why are you doing this for me?"

"Is that a serious question?" he asked in disbelief. "I think by now we both know how I feel about you, how I've always felt about you. You stole my heart on the day I met you and even though you were my best friend's girlfriend I couldn't get you off of my mind. I'd do anything for you and I don't even need a reason. But I suppose if I have to give you one, I was hoping to run into you."

"Why?" Quinn asked nervously.

She was touched by his confession but she was afraid of where it was leading. She loved him and she had for quite some time. He was the one that got away, the one that was always on her mind. It scared her though because she needed him, more than she cared to admit and especially now. He understood what she was going through. He knew that pain and she could confide in him.

Maybe it was fate that he found her or maybe it was a power greater than that. Maybe this was Finn's way of saying it was going to be okay, his way of helping her move on and finally be able to say goodbye.

Apparently, she wasn't the only one whose wave length was thinking that way.

"I heard what you said to Finn and I just wanted to say, I was where you are right now," he began to explain. "When I first got the news I didn't want to admit it or believe it either. I even tried to steal his letterman jacket from Kurt. It was pretty low and not my finest moment. But I just didn't know how to say goodbye. I felt like I was broken, like a part of me died with him. He was my best friend and it wasn't fair that he died so young and before he got a chance to really be something in this world. There were so many people that loved him and it just hurt. When the realization finally set in though, I grieved pretty hard. But we all had to be a support system for Rachel so I had to put aside my pain for her. Finn would have wanted it that way."

Quinn allowed herself to smile weakly. "That's exactly what he would have wanted."

"But when you didn't come home for the funeral I figured there was some pretty intense pain on your end too," Puck continued. "I wanted to pick up for Yale the minute I thought of you but I knew you had your own life. I didn't want to just walk in and disturb that. That didn't stop me from being selfish though. I heard you were coming home this time and all I wanted was to see you. The truth is Quinn, I need you. I've never needed someone more and I miss you too and if Finn's death has taught me anything it's that people aren't around forever. You can't take them for granted and you can't throw away those closest to you. I didn't make the effort before but finding you here, I think I'm being given a sign, a second chance. I think this is Finn's way of telling me to embrace life to the fullest and make the most of every second. I don't want to let you go again and I think I owe it to Finn, in his memory, to not waste any more time not being with you."

Quinn was stunned. She had no idea he still felt this way. Everything he said brought more tears to her eyes. She wanted this too. She was afraid of just how much she wanted this but he had a point. People don't live forever and when you want something, you have to go for it. She had no idea how much time she had but what she did know was that however much time that was, she wanted to spend it with him.

"I know that was a lot to put on you and I understand if you need some time and,"

He was interrupted as her lips met his in the softest, most subtle kiss the pair had ever shared. It lasted a few seconds before she pulled away with a smile on her face. It felt right.

"I don't want to waste another second," she replied.

Quinn knew she could be happy with Puck and she knew she owed it to both of them to try. She got a second chance, something so few people did and she wasn't going to waste it. In Finn's memory, she was going to make every day count.

And as much as she was scared of what the future would bring and as much as she didn't want to pollute her goodbye with the bad memories of the past, Quinn felt it with everything inside of her that this is what he would have wanted. She believed in things like fate and knew when something wasn't a coincidence. Puck finding her, it wasn't a coincidence.

Maybe it wasn't directly set up by Finn but Quinn knew she had his blessing. She knew he would have wanted both of them to be happy, to move on and to live every day to the fullest.

But there was something else she knew he would have wanted to. So with her one hand in Puck's and the other firmly resting on the initialed tree, she finally had the strength to say the words she had been avoiding.

"Goodbye Finn," she said kissing the tree. "I'll always love you."

Puck gripped her hand a little tighter as the pair walked together back toward the school. Quinn knew Finn had given her Puck to make this easier, to help her move on. Now she had to do something for him.

She had avoided Rachel because she was afraid of the pain and was afraid she wouldn't be able to help her. But Finn had given her Puck and he had given her the courage. As painful as the loss was, she knew she could get through this and knew she owed it to Finn to be there for Rachel, for Kurt and for the others as they did the same.

Living in a world without him was still going to be the hardest thing she would ever have to do but with their help, she knew she would be okay. She knew all of them would be okay because they had each other and they had him. He would always be watching them and looking down on them.

He was their captain, their leader, their quarter back and he would never be forgotten.

_Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts  
That we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again._

**A/N: So, thoughts? **

**This actually turned out better than I thought and now, no matter what happens on Glee, I won't be disappointed. Also, I love how the song can represent both a Quinn/Puck reunion and how they might be grieving for Finn, especially the chorus. I can only hope this is the way it goes down on Glee but no matter what happens, I got to write how I would do it and that's enough for me.**


End file.
